Transformation: Have you recently gone through ONE?

I thought I’d re-post this again: Happy Halloween People!!

What TRANSFORMATION have you recently gone through?

A transformation can happen when one puts on a mask, make-up or some other type of costume to disguise or beguile. Equally the metamorphosis of this act can mean that we change in nature or in character.

Recently I have the good fortune (or some would say misfortune!) to wear some of the most spectacularly, ghoulishly hideous, but brilliant make-up & costumes over Halloween I have ever seen.

Every year, anyone that knows me well always hears me carp on about how Halloween is just for children. I don’t really believe in almost grown men and women of seventeen (or older) knocking on my door with their mates shouting in their near to broken voices ‘Trick or treat! and expecting me to give them sweets or money for some ciggies.

I kid you not; the “children” that have knocked on my door on Halloween, are old enough to know better and have asked me for treat money to buy cigarettes!

Somewhat bemused, I often slam the door in their faces. When I hear them laughing and walking away, I’m always relieved that they haven’t pelted my windows with eggs or that they do something even more sinister for my trick.

But this year, I wished that if they had knocked on my door, I would have greeted them like this:

After all, the kids who have seen me in this get-up when working, have been really tentative, secretly peering at me from behind their parents back and wondering if the woman they were seeing in front of them is really as nasty in personality as she looked. Then they seem puzzled when I have been charming, smiley and congenial towards them; instead of the angry looking, scarred individual.

However as we approach the end of the year, I have to REFLECT on the difficult times I’ve experienced that has transformed me into someone completely altered to how I was before the year began.

This person is someone who has had to take a cathartic, liberating and deep look at myself and I’ve emerged more resilient, ready to face those who dare to try and besmirch me and all I value and love.

I have seen people that I thought I knew; try to transform me through their lies into a person that was evil, ugly and not me all…

But…

“I KNEW MYSELF TO BE TRUE…”

… And when I started to feel the knives in my back and certain people ganging up on me, I felt completely powerless to stop them. It was hard to stay strong. I became more and more despondent and depressed, wondering who to trust. I trusted no one.

My family and loved ones have continued to hold me up through this time (both physically and mentally) and believe in me as one by one, so called friends stopped calling and texting. I realised that WHATEVER HAPPENS my family were never going to let me down or forsake me, turn their back on me or leave me to suffer.

My life now has been completely transformed again into someone who is more closely guarded and less trusting of others. I am slowly getting through the quagmire that has been at times like a real life horror film.

As well as my family, I am relying on my muse to get me through the dark moments; the late great Maya Angelou, whose wisdom always continues to transform me into a much more stronger person worthy of holding her head up high. Reading her quotes and books is the uplift I have needed right now.

I’ve also started to take pictures of things that spark my inspiration. I’m enjoying being the creative person I once was before the ugliness began to seep into my life. I am beginning to find a strength and confidence in myself once more.

When I passed this board at Leicester Square station in London recently…

People must have thought I was weird as I literally stopped dead in my tracks and smiled while staring at it for a good few minutes!

The words were perfect for just right now! It seemed apt that the word ‘FUTURE’ in the sign was partially faded because I don’t know how long this feeling of euphoria will last or even what the future holds…

Don’t get me wrong, although I have since learnt that those who conspired to hurt me, had indeed lied. I still feel ANGER about it all and SOMETIMES I feel myself TRANSFORMING once again into a monster, riling at the injustice of it all!

However with Dr. Maya Angelou‘s words and legacy, I am learning to turn my anger into much better things.

Here’s what she says about being angry:

“You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.” Maya Angelou.

EVERYDAY I TRY TO RISE ABOVE IT…

http://quotesgram.com/what-goes-around-comes-around-quotes-and-sayings/
So this is a picture of me … SMILING and TRANSFORMED into a person that feels a bit more OK (ish) about things and someone who my sister Suzette (RIP) once said to…

“Go out and conquer the world”.

(Suzette C.S, 24th July 2001)

Well I’m not too sure about whether I’ll be able to do that, but I feel in a much more relaxed, stronger and confident place to be able to conquer all the nasties that may come my way. (for now!!)

Here’s hoping that whatever TRANSFORMATION you may have to go through, becomes one that TRANSFORMS you into a wonderful person and a better place in your life full of much love and happiness!

Namaste

Copyright: SJS 2016

Hot Bikram Yoga and the messy hair thing!

Just an ordinary Black Girl Doing Bikram Yoga (2)

(Or…My First, My Last & Anything Else!!??)

My First…

Yep, ladies and gentlemen you can tell that I was born in a particular era when the reference for this blog comes (partly) from the musings of the wonderful Barry White. I bet I’m the first person to have linked the Walrus of Love that is Mr. White to a session of Bikram Yoga! People do say though that when you’re doing Bikram Yoga, it evokes some very emotive feelings, both physically & mentally. Well, for me the first class I did had a heat to replicate a Caribbean beach; the last, was that I knew it wasn’t going to be the only session I would do of this bizarre & idiotically crazy extreme sport & the anything else I encountered was when my head kept playing Barry’s tune in my head,

“I know there’s only one, only one like you.”

It was a yoga that was nothing like anything I’d ever experienced before, although I have since done many more Bikram-esque types of yoga out there.

Perhaps it was that yoga high that everyone always talks about, I dunno, but let me tell you it was flippin’ brilliant in a cathartic sort of way. Now I really sound like some middle-aged yoga hippy!

One thing I was glad of is that we didn’t have to chant. There’s nothing worse for me than having to create noises which don’t seem as though they’re naturally created by the human body. Everything from burping whether it’s from the top part of your body or the bottom end comes into a category of noises you shouldn’t make in public! Chanting for me comes a close second to this.

My aversion to chanting began when I first tried yoga way back in (I’m not telling you when!) some church hall in Streatham, South London. I should have taken the hint that something like chanting was about to happen; we were in a church hall after all.

But no, they had to go there.

The class began with us doing some warm-up exercises on our mats & then the instructor told us to close our eyes. Before I knew it, I was trying to produce noises that sounded as if I was cleaning out a sink blocked with all kinds of disgusting gunk! Then I got yoga shamed when he walked over to me & I roughly remember him saying something along the lines of;

“Darling if you let it flow naturally through your Vishuddha chakra & not force things, you will produce a sound more natural to your inner goddess that’s trying to get out.”

In other words, you ain’t doing it right!

Embarrassed, I felt as hot as a Bikram blast of air. I wanted so badly to “chak-his-ra’s” (with my West Indian accent changing the “ra” into something closer to what I really wanted to say) but instead I finished the class & never went back again.

My Last… & Past Sessions

There are however some vocal Bikram Yoga moments which are a bit like chanting & I can (just about) do them without heading for the hills.

The Deep Standing Breathing Exercise (Pranayama Series) & the Blowing in Firm Pose (Kapalbhati in Vajrasana) are postures that you do at the beginning & the end of the sessions.

With the Deep Standing Breathing, you have to breathe as if you are about to bring up the biggest amount of something you can cough up from your respiratory tract…but hold back on the stuff, just produce the noise & then you’re there.

BTW: I have no idea why yoga instructors feel the need (especially in Bikram) to say in a session, the pose in English as well as Sanskrit (the ancient meaning of what the poses are).

I think it’s really time-consuming, strange to hear & a bit poncey! I have heard it said in a variety of ways, which bugs me almost as much as when I heard a newsreader the other day say the word plastic, with too much emphasis on certain syllables, so it became “plahhstic.” Why??

I have written them in this blog so you can have an idea of what I’m getting at. But I promise you, they will NOT appear in another blog I write.

In the Blowing in Firm Pose (Sounds rude, doesn’t it?!) at the end, most instructors tell you to imagine you’re blowing out the candles on a cake. All I can say is at this stage in the session, if you can find the breath to imagine any of this, then you’re doing better than most.

And Anything Else!!

Every time I do Bikram there ALWAYS seems to be a BGDB (Black Gal Doing Bikram) moment that happens a lot as a black girl.

I went into my first session thinking & feeling I looked like this…

But when I finished & glimpsed myself in the mirror afterwards, I definitely looked more like this!!

Eddie Murphy’s Buckwheat character was more a realistic vision of me after my first Bikram yoga session!!

But I’ll let you know how I’m managing to survive the BGDB/Buckwheat hair thing next time I write.

SjS X

Namaste

Credit: Barry White – My First, My Last, My Everything. Songwriters: White Barry Eugene; Radcliffe Peter Sterling; Sepe Anthony J/music Royalty Published by SUPER SONGS UNLIMITED;UNICHAPPELL MUSIC, INC.;WORLD SONG PUBLISHING, INC.;MY BABY’S MUSIC COMPANY; SA-VETTE MUSIC CO).  Website: http://www.metrolyrics.com

Copyright: SJS 2016

Hot Yoga: Are you up for it?

Just an ordinary Black Girl Doing Hot Yoga (Thoughts from a Black Girl’s Diary)

This blog is about yoga & in particular Bikram Yoga, the yoga I prefer to do. But it won’t just contain pictures of enormously bendy women or men practising their Triangle Poses, in a setting that looks like Nirvana. Nor, will it go in the opposite direction to focus solely on the larger lady or man practising yoga either. Both have their equal place in the yoga world & I’m not knocking that.

It’s about me; an ordinary BGDB (Black Girl Doing Bikram) & (sometimes the guys!) that find ourselves taking a step to drip the sweat.

I’m unfortunately (still) a rare breed in an almost elitist milieu; a black, slightly chubby, middle-aged woman. I was brought up on a council estate in South London & at 5ft 2 inches; I’m a real shorty. Hardly anything like the girls (& guys) I Bikram with, who are often ‘Made in Chelsea’, upper class to middle class & TBYB’s (Typically Bony Yoga Bunnies). Boo hoo…NOT!!!!

So, why did I choose Bikram (Hot Yoga)?

I’ve done many different types of yoga over the years & after a class I would be thinking, ‘That was a load of pretentious rubbish!’

“I don’t like the idea of suffering to do yoga.”

There’s always been a feeling in these places that you have be dedicated to the point of having to chomp on Quinoa all the time in a bid to ‘Cut the Carbs!’ or chant until enlightenment drops in your lap; or have a fair bit of money to fund your trendy, cool habit. Throw in a heady mix of TBYB’s, a posh studio in the heart of Wimbledon or Richmond and you’re almost there. You know the type of person I’m talking about? She’s called ‘Annabelle’, talks loudly ‘Yah, Yahing’ in the changing rooms & on her top of the range iphone about going on retreats to find herself in the South of France. (Very Ab Fab!) Stereotyping? Yes I am, but for real! These are mostly the people I encounter on my yoga travels.

Originally, I’ve always felt that yoga is just not for me. After all, I’m a black woman who regularly uses a relaxer to straighten her hair! Us gals don’t deal with the frizz thing. In fact I fear the wrath of my hairdresser if she saw the state my hair gets into after a 40 degree rinse in a sweat drenched studio, almost as much as I fear the West Indian tones of my mum cussing me out when she disapproves of anything I do!

My Bikram experience began in a familiar way that many encounter this strange type of yoga; after an injury. I had the unfortunate luck to have been injured at work. It left me with the mental injury of depression & anxiety, while the physical injury gave me torn ligaments in my shoulder & right thumb.

I needed something fast. The pain killers had stopped working, the physio was not free anymore (The NHS had written me off) & I was paying for a physiotherapist who was almost on the brink of writing me off too.

“Why don’t you try Bikram yoga? The heat might help.” I laughed at his ridiculous suggestion!

“How could bending yourself into inane positions help to heal torn ligaments? More to the point; what the bloody hell is Bikram Yoga anyway?”

That evening I decided to part from my physiotherapist. Although I had around 20 sessions with him, I still felt like a doll that had only been partially fixed. I couldn’t afford to go anymore. There had to be something else. I Googled Bikram Yoga on my laptop. I was feeling broke (literally) and incredibly depressed.

My First Class

You will always remember your first time. Mine was with a teacher called Mel who had a smile to match her temperament.

“We were all packed sardine-like into a reasonably sized studio. (Sorry about the Top Gear reference!)”

I tried to ‘style it out’ & pretend I was a regular, rolling out my own mat (Not using theirs) & towel whilst lying casually on the floor. But then she said the words that point you out as being different from the start. 

“Anyone here for the first time?”

Tentatively I raised my hand in the air. There were several of us newbie’s in that night & we were all cheerily told to take it easy. I didn’t really notice the heat much in that 90 minute cook up, but I did notice that I was the only BGDB in the room.

Over to you!!

Are you a person that does yoga? Or even an ordinary Black Girl Doing Bikram Yoga too? I want to hear from you all!

Let me know what you think of my thoughts.

Namaste!!

SjS X